Alright so now my aunt wrote and “open letter” to me on her blog, which I was expecting, but she AGAIN accuses me of going onto her computer to find things. DOES SHE NOT KNOW HOW GOOGLE WORKS?!?! I literally have proof she wrote things on recovery.org and she just blatantly lies and then accuses me. Then she tells me that she is sure there are more people in the world who don’t like me than those that do. She’s literally a 54 year old woman bullying her niece. It’s completely insane!!! At this point I’m literally just sitting in my room, waiting for her to LEAVE. This crazy woman has probably shortened my life by 5 years with all the stress she has caused me. What an evil bitch. I just cannot fathom how someone can be like this. I don’t even know what to say or do because I am just so furious and honestly, scared. I have no idea how to deal with her because she is just so far from anything resembling a normal person. So for now I’m just stuck basically.
I did post a comment on her blog though, with my real name. I know I’m in the right so I don’t need to try to hide behind some fake name like she probably thinks I would. That’s why she set it so only people using their gmail account could post, and couldn’t post anonymously. Well I am standing up for myself.
And of course she says that my grandma “has no sympathy” for me, of course I know this whole time she has been trying to find anything she could to get my grandma against me. And I wouldn’t doubt it if she has been trying to goad me into losing my shit so she would use that against me too. Feeling quite helpless right now, to be honest.
Well now I’m screwed. I never did decide if I wanted to confront my aunt or not, when the confrontation came to me unexpectedly and unpleasantly. I was waiting for my aunt to leave so I could tell my mom to come over. She was in her car, I saw her packing flowers into her car. So I go out into the living room thinking the coast was clear. I go up to the window to double check and suddenly she is coming up the stairs. She comes up with the newspaper and starts going on about flyers. That might sound perfectly fine to anyone else but then you don’t know my aunt. Everything she says and does seems like bad acting. It is so hard to be around her because everything seems fake, you never know what she is really thinking and it always seems like she has an ulterior motive for every little thing. Anyway she is making this big deal about how many fliers there are, and I’m stuck there trying to keep quiet and can just feel the months of frustration and anger building up.
And then it released.
I just lost it. I yelled about the fliers and of course she scoffs at me, I ask her why she stole my dumbbell the other day, she says she didn’t steal it, she “borrowed” it. I yell at her that you can’t just take things that aren’t yours and then not put them back! (My grandma had to ask for it back, because after she “borrowed” it, my aunt just put it in her own room.) Once I started I couldn’t stop. I told her not to post things about me, and she just lied and said she never did. I told her she posted on recovery.org and she just straight up said she had no idea what I was talking about, and she has never even heard of the website! I was so infuriated. Then she says I would need to show it to her because she has never posted on any forums and she has no idea what I’m talking about (I have found at least 10 that she has posted on, but most of it wasn’t about me or my family so I didn’t care.) I tell her exactly what she said about me, and can you believe it, not only does she keep denying it, but she also says that if she had written something about me IT WOULD BE A LOT MEANER. What the hell kind of lunatic is she?!?! And she just kept lying and lying, saying why would I have a reason to lie to you. So then my grandma starts yelling at me saying hey this is my house, this is still my house.
So now I’m not only furious about having to deal with someone who completely refuses to live within any kind of reality, but now my grandma is mad at me. I was really trying so hard to keep it together, I have avoided my aunt like the plague in the last couple of weeks just trying to get by until she moved out. Literally I have sometimes waited for hours in my room until I knew she was gone or working so I could come out to get some cereal without a confrontation. I tried so hard and some stupid flyers ruined it for me. And I still need to print out the evidence because I am definitely not going to let her try to say I’m the liar, which I know for sure she is going to try to do. Instead of building herself up she just tries to tear everyone else down. Well I for one will not be torn down.
This blog post is sort of a useless rant, sorry. I just need to write it because I’m finding myself start to get anxious and panicky again. I was going through and deleting old emails yesterday and came across one where I told my mom I could hear my aunt asking my grandma about me. I find it a little ironic considering when I told her I was reading her blog, she said I must care a lot more about her than she does about me. Yet for years she has been trying to get information on me? My theory is she is trying to get my grandma against me, she is trying to find anything she can to paint me in a bad light. One time shortly after I moved in with my grandma, I saw her come in the front door while I was eating my breakfast so I quickly ran out the back to eat my cereal on the steps outside. I later found out my aunt asked if I was smoking. And why would she assume that? She is just trying to find a way to make herself feel better because of her terrible life and she was a terrible mother. I think it’s not even about me, she just wants to try to blame my dad (her brother) and try to make herself feel better about her terrible parenting by finding something negative about us. And then there’s the online post where she says I have no friends to speak of and have never been on a date. I have no idea why she would think she could assume either of those things, obviously she was asking my grandma about every aspect of my life. What a nutjob! I don’t even tell my grandma about my life, partially because I know she will tell my aunt. And why would I tell my grandma about every date I’ve had anyway? I was dating my current boyfriend for 2 months before I even told my grandma we were dating, and I only did it because he was coming to visit. I’m a private person, so apparently my aunt thinks that means I have some mental disorder or something. I asked my grandma about it and she told me to confront my aunt before she moves out. Well she is moving out this weekend (thank god) so now I am trying to decide if I confront her or not.
I do really want to confront her. I want her to know that I am not okay with this crap and she needs to cut it out. I want nothing to do with her and I don’t want her asking about me trying to get some juicy gossip about me from my grandma! The problem is I just can’t control my anger towards her. When I even think about talking to her my heart starts racing. I’m genuinely worried I could have a serious panic attack and even need medical attention. If she was going to leave and never come back it would be different but I know she has to come back because as a 50 something year old woman she gets a 500$ per month allowance from her mom…. so she will be back at least once a month and this crap will continue. So I know confronting her would be extremely difficult but I feel like I need to do it for my long term mental health. I don’t know.
Now I told my aunt that I knew about her blog, because I can’t stand her and I decided to tell her why because otherwise she thinks I’m just a mean person for no reason. Well, now she has continued to write in her blog and now I am “enemy number one.” Literally that is what she said. I am having nightmares every night about her or her crazy boyfriend who was recently in jail. I am having panic attacks weekly. I went to the school nurse and she assessed me and I scored the maximum for anxiety, though by some miracle I’m not depressed. She referred me to the psychiatrist but I won’t see them for at least a month. I talked to a counsellor at my school, and the situation was so messed up she really didn’t know what to tell me so she taught me how to breathe out through my mouth? She told me to imagine everything covered in light, including my aunt. Well when I try everything else is light and my aunt is just darkness and evil. She has written on her blog that she’s not lying and I just said she was lying about things because I don’t like them. They’re lies. They’re not “alternative facts.” They’re lies.